am i enough

Stuff’s tough.

My family is doing all this for me as little as it may seem to me at the moment, yet I sometimes wish I could disappear to a far away place and release everyone from the hindrance known as myself.

Let’s ignore the title and just go with what the yes is the meaning of me, what should I be doing??? Today, same as yesterday I spent too much time watching anime going with the story and feeling good rather than actually doing stuff. Heck, even now I have that epic Naruto theme in my mind which is played whenever Naruto has done something of importance or whatever. Accomplishing nothing and immersing myself in a story of an adventurous story full of various accomplishments as well as actual life just to feel good(doesn’t always work like this time but whatever). Wasting time even on this 23-hour day.

I hate to admit I might be hating myself right now. I know what I could be doing now to achieve something of significance however I’m sitting in my room, at a time I should be sleeping already, writing whatever this is which, to mention is totally irrelevant of the title I chose for this as well as the previous paragraphs, but what do I care at this point.

I am not lazy i’m just… without purpose and reason.

I’m alone, why would I do anything. It’s not like anyone would see it anyway, just like this crap of a file. I hate being alone. but I’m too alone for too long to care. Nothing I really can do.

I know there always is something I can do to not be alone and sad it’s just that… lonely sadness is almost my home now, at times it even is beautiful… at times.

I can’t even care about shit anymore. Nothing matters to me anymore. I care so little I think of putting an end to this early, even fucking today.

All I want is to go crazy, give in to destructive impulses and might as well just take the world down with me. what do I care.

I seek power so powerful anyone within sight would be frightened, no engineering masterpiece able to match it. I would just want to destroy everything: everything I’ve hated, everything I’ve loved and even myself. There would be no hate, no love, no me, nothing.

Can I just I really hate not being able to figure out how I feel? All this writing I feel like is taking me the right way but it still isn’t enough. Who or rather what am I? Why do I get to live. Why am I living like this?? It really hurts me even just writing about it. I am incapable of conveying feelings to others, no one would understand. Will I forever be alone like this.