Unmotivated

It’s the 4 days off from school I’d been excited waiting for… so just what do I do now? I awaited this with so many things I wanted to do, but now I don’t want to do anything on this cloudy day. It’s a bit surprising to me that I got myself to start writing this.

Yesterday before going to sleep I found out about the Artemis II mission(kind of late) and watched a video of the crew members answering some questions floating around the vehicle. At that moment I realized just how cool it is as well as how sick it’d be if I could go to space too, but so I too realized the immense work and effort it must have taken to get chosen for such a mission. What’s important, I saw the result of many peoples’ hard work and felt very motivated to do anything so one day I too could make history.

Guess what I did after half an hour of doing something. I went to sleep. That’s pretty much the cycle I’ve been trying to avoid: watch others achieve great deeds, feel satisfied, not do a thing, sleep, repeat. And then die in the end of ends not having done anything to make a name for. Actually, now that I think about it, I’ve been in this cycle for way longer than I thought. I have spent several days not doing anything and just watching anime(one day I spent 7 hours), which is basically the same thing, with the difference of following a fictional story.

That results in me not feeling any motivation. As I work towards anything, I kind of give up after I sense the sheer amount of work ahead of me necessary to get recognized. Therefore I should just have to commit myself to it and make steady progress. I have known that, yet I’m still here, nowhere.

In reality, it’s tough af, even more so being all alone. There is only so much I can do off my own motivation/will until I get bored. I must find something that would hold me responsible for progress, but for that I’d have to have made enough progress to be considered, I think. In any way it seems to be bound to be difficult on my own; it’s not like most of the people known for great stuff got there on their own. I just need some friends, eh?

Just so you know I myself am not sure what it is I’m trying to convey with this piece of text.